Clients often ask me if they should discuss their estate plans with their adult or nearly adult children. There are both pros and cons with this issue. On balance, as long as your kids are not anxiously waiting for you to die, there are many benefits to discussing this topic with your children. Talking about your estate plan with your children can eliminate any surprises after you die. This helps to ensure family harmony long after you are gone.

Communication is the key. When speaking with your children, explain the who, what, when, where, how and WHY of your estate plans. This will make it easier for your children, as well as the planning professionals who may be left with the task of explaining what you were trying to accomplish through your estate plan after you are gone. Some children may feel slighted because they were not named as Executor or Trustee. However, there may be very good reasons for why that child was not named. Frequently, children will regard unequal treatment in an estate plan as a statement of their parents love or lack thereof. This, of course, is usually far from the truth. Sometimes parents wish to provide more for a child who needs more help, and less to children who are more successful. It is imperative that you communicate your reasoning with your children. If there is no communication, it is often left up to the imagination of the children.

For many people, preserving the family unit after you are gone is a major concern. There are things that you can do today, that will have an impact on the lives of your children long after you pass. We often invite our clients to bring their children in. It is always nice to meet the people who will benefit from the planning that we do. Children can be involved in the process by discussing Executor and Trustee selections with you. This gets them involved and makes them feel like their opinion has worth, which will reap dividends for many years to come. Your kids should know (or at least know how to contact) your life insurance representative, financial planners, accountants, and attorneys. Parents should try to introduce these professionals to their children. When they do meet, note how the advisors respond. Their response to your children will be a good indicator as to how helpful these advisors will be to your children in the future.