Talking Turkey aka Having “The Talk” with your parents.

 

Do you need a help desk to talk with your parents?

According to recent research conducted by insurance “mega-company” The Hartford, it seems like many baby boomers would rather see their dentist for a root canal than talk to their aging parents about estate planning.   Research indicated  71% of parents of baby boomers were comfortable discussing estate planning with their children, whereas only 54% of their children were comfortable having such discussions. It turns out that parents are more comfortable discussing estate planning than are their baby-boomer children-who knew? This “communication gap” can have serious consequences for your parents and family.  The lack of planning can have devasting effects on the finances, relations and spirit of a family.

 

Talking about your parents dying is not a fun topic to explore- except for a few of you “sickos” out there. Although it may be a hard conversation to have, it can make such a difference if your parents should become seriously ill and especially after your parents are gone. This is too important of a conversation not to have.

Getting the conversation started is the hardest part. A few simple guidelines can help turn this conversation into a positive experience. The most important rule (in my experience) is to include ALL of your siblings in the conversation. Nothing works quicker to undermine your intentions than excluding someone (even if they are an incredible pain in the…um…neck). Group discussion fosters a free exchange of ideas.  Try to listen more than you talk.   Choose a comfortable and private setting for this family meeting that is free from distractions.

The family is assembled, in a comfortable, private, space…then what? How do you actually start the conversation? A good way to start is to discuss your own plan. Discuss with your parents what your estate planning experience was like. Talk about what your estate plan contemplates. Another way to start the conversation is with an article or book on estate planning. If your parents are readers this is a terrific place to start.

Assuming that you have created an opportunity to talk to your parents about their “exit plan” you should discuss several different aspects. Remain focused on the fact that you are trying to help your parents maintain independence and control over assets that took a lifetime to accumulate. Focus on long term care: have they considered what would happen if one or both of them had to spend time in a nursing home? Nursing home costs can quickly eliminate your parent’s life savings. Ask about what type of estate plan they have in place. Make sure the plan fits their estate. Explore whether their estate plan contemplates tax issues, probate costs, or beneficiaries with disabilities? Don’t neglect to focus on lifetime planning. Make sure your parents have updated Powers of Attorney and Living Wills, these simple documents are worth their weight in gold when you really need them.

Remember, most parents want to discuss their estate plan with their adult children. Finding out that your parents have planned their estate will be very comforting. Finding out your parents have not made a plan is a great opportunity to help them get their affairs in order.